“When
women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.”
- Elayne Boosler
- Elayne Boosler
Woman: What is he talking about?
Man: What is she talking about?
Both: I don’t get you!
Man: What is she talking about?
Both: I don’t get you!
Most of us have
been in this situation; we just can’t comprehend what the other gender is
talking about. If you ever suspected that this prevailing problem is due to the
differences in the anatomy of the two genders, you are not entirely wrong. The size
of the corpus collosum in a woman’s brain is reported to be larger than that of
a man’s. This means that women have the ability to transfer data between the
right and left hemisphere of the brain faster than men. Thus, while men tend to
be more left-brained, women have greater access to both sides. Recent studies
have also demonstrated that on average, women have a larger deep limbic system
than men. Due to this, women are more in touch with their emotions and are
better able to express themselves better than men. Deborah Tannen, a linguist, further
confirms this by explaining how women are more inclined to “relationally
oriented talk” aka Rapport Talk, which concentrates more on the intimate and
interpersonal topics. Men on the other hand, lean towards “task-oriented talk”
aka Report Talk. They are more direct and are far less emotional in their
conversations.
The other gaping
difference between men and women is the cultural value the two believe in. Men
stress on autonomy and individual achievement while the women value emphasis on
affection and connection. These two differing values affect topics of
conversation and misinterpretation of the other’s words.
Dr Sylvia Gearing: How To Talk To The
Other Gender
Women also tend to
“self-sabotage” says Dr Sylvia Gearing. (Video1 after 2.11) They use more
disclaimers such as “This may not make sense…” or “Don’t get mad, but..”. However,
men feel that talking about matters that
do not make sense is simply redundant. Disclaimers like these tend to confuse
men and lead them to have an impression that women are sending contradictory
messages or paradoxes which leads to miscommunication between the two genders.
So how do you talk to your partner?
Dr. Cheryl: How
Men And Women Communicate - YouTube
Dr Cheryl Fraser,
a clinical psychologist explains in this video that men should understand that
when women speak, they seek to connect. They are not really looking for solutions
but rather appreciate more if men were to plainly listen. And to the ladies out there, start by
listening like you always do and add in your two cents worth into the topic
that he brings up. He will feel grateful that you throw in practical solutions
and thus this will make him feel loved and understood. Dr Cheryl also suggested
following 30-mins a day of “stress-buffering” conversation using the insights of
how to communicate better with the opposite gender, and eventually you will
have a higher chance of having a marriage that lasts forever.
Class B Group 1: http://thelostmemberspeaks.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteI agree that men and women do communicate differently. This can be shown from women who are more expressive and more likely to relate to others when they are communicating, which concentrates more on the interpersonal topics such as using rapport talk. Men, on the other hand, are more inclined towards getting the job done, more goal or task oriented.
Well one factor would probably be the difference in the constitution of the brain of men and women. However, there are also the social factors that are involved. Males and Females are socialized to express themselves differently. Parents who have sons often would ask them not to express their emotion to others such as crying. This is evident in dialogues such as, "You are a big boy, shame on you to cry like a girl." Mother would always ask and communicate with their daughters more than their sons. Sons often would not express their feelings to their parents. Hence, it is not that men are emotional and doesn't relates to others, it is because they are socialized to be like this.
Although most people think that men stress on autonomy and individual achievement while women value emphasis on affection and connection. However, this may not always hold true. Women can also strive for autonomy and individual achievement. Men, similarly, can be affectionate and relate well to others. This can be seen from exceptions of jobs. Women can be in high career positions such as managerial where they often expect their subordinates to meet deadlines and strive for achievement. On the other hand, men who are in clinical psychologists, social workers, teachers also tend to show care and concern for their patients as well as students.
In conclusion, I guess when men are depressed, they can also eat or go shopping while women do bomb and invade another country and resort to violence when they are frustrated.
Interesting insight. (:
DeleteI do agree that there are men or women who seem to deviate from this normal belief. (women are more expressive and men more task oriented)
This is highly due to the social environment that they had experienced. Its also true that women can also be competitive but this may not be as intense as the competitive nature of men.
Different people experience different situation which builds their character and personality. But generally, men are still more focus on getting jobs done and the women remain the expressive one.(:
Men and women certainly express their opinions differently. While I am skeptical that brain size makes a difference in the way men and women communicate, I totally agree with you that women are generally more inclined to using their emotions when they speak.
ReplyDeleteVerbals aside, women generally have a tendency to engage in multiple non-verbal communications as well. It is often common to notice women employing hand gestures and easy-to-read facial expressions during interpersonal interaction. Vocalizations such as groans and cries (and even words that describe disgust like "eww" or "gross!") are frequently used as part of everyday, informal conversations.
Men, on the other hand, are generally less expressive when it comes to dyadic communication. Of course, by this I do not mean that men are monotonous robots who can't seem to get in touch with their emotional psyche. In fact, some men do express themselves fairly well and in some case they do so comparably well as women.
However, I personally feel that most men in general are not as well equipped as the ladies when it comes to conveying their perceptions expressively. Even in instances when men use hand gestures and facial expressions to transmit a particular message across, it is often quite difficult for listeners to decode the message accurately due to the limited use of emotional expressions.
Group 5 :)
Interesting post but yet rather true too!:)
ReplyDeleteI do agree also that men and women do seem to communicate differently from one another. In fact, I was told that men have brains that have many compartments and thus being unable to multitask unlike women. However, I do believe that nobody is born learning how to communicate differently from the other gender. Instead, I feel that we actually communicate rather similarly. Yet due to societal conventions, it becomes a part of hidden culture that we should communicate differently.
I agree with you however, that women are definitely more emotional than guys. Not only so, women are also deemed to be sentimental. Men who are seen to be sentimental are more often than not debunked and labelled as "gay" or "creepy" when they were probably just being more open about their feelings than others. This again though, boils down to societal conventions where men are taught to be tough, independent and "manly" whilst women are given the right to be weak and dependent on others. This dates back to traditional times where the man is seen to be the head of the household, heading out to the hunting ground to bring food back for the family and protect them. To date, men are still taught to do that, except differently. They now go out to work (their hunting ground) and bring back money (food) for the family, serving in the army to learn how to protect them.
These all add up to societal and cultural conventions that lead men and women to not only be trapped by the societal line in their roles, but also in their communication. As such, men and women both seem to communicate differently, and hence a breakdown in communication.
Class B, Group 6